![]() Still, Ali has a message for anyone who reductively dismisses door unlocked hook-ups as “seedy” or a sign that “you basically have no morals”: “What people conveniently forget is that straight people do it too, every Friday and Saturday night,” he says. “Later, though, I feel like I associate my happiness with the approval of mostly white bi and gay men,” he says. ![]() However, Ali also concedes that this sense of freedom can be rather fleeting. “And I don’t fit the generalised standards of beauty in the gay community, so for me that one act of being in control of my happiness feels liberating.” “I will always be at war with how I feel versus how I was taught to feel by my family and religion,” he says. “This is weird, I know, but it makes my sub side feel very in control that this man is here for me and wanting to use my hole,” says Ali, a 35-year-old gay man from Leeds, who wishes to remain anonymous to protect his privacy.Īli says his particular door unlocked kink is “complicated” because he is gay and “from a South Asian Muslim background”. This kink can also be empowering for MSM from marginalised communities. “Usually, if a guy says he is ‘discreet’, I’ll suggest we do it this way,” says Dan Thomas. Indeed, door unlocked hook-ups can make sexual intimacy easier for MSM who are closeted or just beginning to explore their queerness. “Set your boundaries, talk openly and honestly about what you both want from it, and as long as you’re both on the same page, there is nothing wrong or shameful in what you are doing,” he says. However, Howley also points out that there is absolutely no reason for this kink to be stigmatised. He also urges people to report sexual assaults that happen at door unlocked hook-ups to the police, “so we can stop it from happening to others”. If you’re the host, then have your phone close by in case you need to call for assistance.” “Make sure you have your phone close to you, and possibly alert someone you can trust of where you’re going. “It's important that both parties are aware of the risks and have a safe route out, should anything go wrong,” he explains. Tommy, a 23-year-old gay man from east London – who asked to remain anonymous, as he doesn’t want his kinks to be made public – says that, for him and some MSM who enjoy so-called “open door meets”, anonymity doesn’t necessarily enhance the turn-on. Like all kinks, the door unlocked thing isn’t a monolith. Still, Dan says he never does anything to shatter the illusion, adding firmly: “The only time my blindfold gets taken off is if they take it off.” “Living in a small town now, my Grindr is usually guys I’ve met before, or at least know of,” he says. “First, there’s the excitement of hearing the door,” he says, “and then, when you’re blindfolded, the other senses are heightened, so the sounds and smells are what turn me on.”ĭan admits the thrill was more intense for him when he was living in Brighton – a city with a huge pool of MSM that made fully anonymous hook-ups possible. In time, this led to anonymous encounters with men he didn’t know. “I started doing it a lot when I was regularly hooking up with a dom top who liked me ready for him to slip his cock straight in – I have always played the part of a slutty sub bottom,” says Dan.
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